At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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