How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
