This is not my ceiling
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
