i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
