I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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