She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize