you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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