my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
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