It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I want to fling myself into the sun
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
