I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
