i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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