Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
