it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
