If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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