Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
