i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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