well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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