i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Randomize
