She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
