She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
