theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
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You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
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He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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