Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
