Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
