i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
