Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
