So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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