Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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