Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Randomize
