I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
