I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
