I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
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I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
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I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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