she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
