I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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