it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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