so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
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I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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