True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
it's great music for shaving your balls
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
