Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
