at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
