he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
