did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I stole a fireplace last night.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Randomize
