I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
