never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
