Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
