I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
