i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
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