I'm going to jail i love you
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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