I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
COCAINE IS GR8
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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