the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
