I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
