i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I FOUND THE LEGS
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
