sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
