She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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