Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
