I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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