I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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