Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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