I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
