i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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