Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
