We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
