Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
