he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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