It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
